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Overseas Life

People usually ask me what it’s like living in Europe or how it is playing football over there. In this blog Im going to tell you about my 2019 season in Romania from start to finish. To be honest when I first got the offer to play in Romania I wasn’t that thrilled honestly I was rethinking for the first half of the season. But I knew that I hadn’t been on a contract since 2016 and I needed to prove that I could still play after being off for 3 years. I didn’t even know where Romania was on the map. When I found out about their weather in the winter I was really doubting my decision. In the Algarve (Portugal) the weather was always nice even in the winter it was 60. Once I found that Romania was next to Serbia Im like “oh s***” it’s probably going to snow every day and it didn’t disappoint. I usually play at about 220 lbs but they wanted me to be the middle linebacker so I planned to play at 230 to give me some more thump. I was 235 when I got to Romania last January I figured I would be back in playing shape in a month which was still months before our first game. During the first practice they asked me if I could play safety which I’ve done sparingly in the past but not full-time. My first reaction was that I didn’t want to play safety especially in a run-heavy country like Romania. But unfortunately for me our best position group was our linebackers, I figured if I moved to safety I could get the best players on the field. It was an unselfish decision but I knew that my stats would suffer because of the move. When you’re an import player you almost have to be perfect. There’s no such thing as bad game or bad practice and you better get used to playing with injuries. I’ve seen play through injuries they shouldn’t have because they didn’t want to get sent home. If a team knows you have a season-ending injury they will politely ship you back to America. Teams want to win now and if you can’t contribute they won’t keep you around. Some athletes can’t handle that type of pressure because you’re in an uncomfortable situation expected to perform at a high level. I’ve seen guys get benched for having one bad game as an import and sent home for having two bad games. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime representing your country while doing the thing that you love the most.

Dating as an overseas athlete is like trying to cook a gourmet meal with $15. The problem is a typical season runs for 6 months and after you go back to the states. Women typically stay away from import athletes because they know we usually don’t want anything serious and we won’t be permanent in their country. I’m not a fan of long-distance relationships so I was just trying to meet nice women while I was there and create some new experiences. Of course I downloaded Tinder but I wasn’t really successful with it. I like to chat but ultimately wanted to meet women to hang out just to see the city and enjoy myself. Romanian women are very beautiful but also very crazy. They would make plans to hang out and at the last minute change their mind when they figured out that I played a sport there. Some of the women just wanted to chat with no intent of hanging out and after a few days I’d just unmatch them. What really surprised me is that Romanian women were into black men. By it being predominantly white, I didn’t think that black men would get much love over there but I was wrong. It was like they fetishized us some women were just curious to find out if the stereotype was true. They would ask about in an indirect way which was always funny to me but I would just play along. Eventually I just stopped using the dating apps and just tried to meet women the old-fashioned way which worked out much better for me.

My goal coming into the season was to go undefeated and win the championship. Looking at the talent on the roster I knew I would have to be the eraser on our defense, but I love that kind of pressure. We lost in our first scrimmage and I realized that this team had alot of holes. Guys had a false sense of ability until we played other people then the reality set in that we weren’t that good. I found myself fixing other people’s mistakes more than me actually worrying about my own assignment. If I was a quitter I would’ve quit because I was asked to do what seemed like an impossible job. Throughout the season I would play safety, wide receiver, cornerback, outside linebacker, and even nickelback. By far my most versatile season and it forced me to work on my weaknesses. While we didn’t win the championship I did help my team to a 4-2 record and a Championship appearance. I loved those guys because what they didn’t have in talent they made up for in effort. By season’s end you could see that the guys had gotten better and that it meant something to them. Their attitude is why I plan on coming back to finish what we started last season. A championship is what I want the most and I plan to deliver it in 2020.

Thank you Kobe

It’s been six days since we first learned that Kobe was killed in a tragic helicopter accident. When I first heard it I didn’t believe it because the internet is known for fake death reports. I was also in denial I’ve seen this man overcome everything, it’s no way he could be gone this way. But more reports started to come in and I had to accept the fact that it was true. It felt like a close family member died, I couldn’t believe that someone I looked up to was gone so soon. I remember his last Instagram post, he was congratulating Lebron on passing him on the all-time scoring list. That’s the type of man he was even though he was fierce competitor he loved and respected the next generation of NBA players. His relationship with his family made me admire him even more. That’s been a goal of mine to have the beautiful family and a stable home life, Kobe seemed to enjoyed his family life more than being on the court. I remember him always having his daughters by his side during his NBA Finals press conferences. Kobe beat the odds he was the opposite of what the media portrays the black man to be. He didn’t stop there he even expanded his brand and won an Oscar. Athletes typically don’t do that but Kobe was anything but typical. He never limited himself to just being a basketball player, he always seemed to have a plan after basketball. From the ages of 18 to 41 we had the privilege to witness his complete transformation. It made me believe that life after football would be more rewarding than my playing days. He showed me that being a family man can be fun, that stability is best in this game we call life. I’m hurting for his family because there is no way to get over this, time will help but it can never heal. It’s unfortunate that they have to try to live a normal life without their constant.

I’ve talked about Kobe the man but I want to talk about how Kobe the athlete made me a better player. Every athlete wants to win but players like him want to destroy you. Kobe could do every thing on the court and not only could he do it he was great at it. He was one the few guys that I think could’ve won a dunk contest and a 3 pt contest if he wanted to. He took pride in his defense just as much as his scoring on offense. I can remember Kobe wanting to guard the other team’s best scorer not because he was asked to but he enjoyed that challenge. Kobe would score 40 on you and then hold you to 20 on the defensive end. I respect athletes that are versatile because it’s easy to be good at one position or one skill set. But there are times when your team needs you to do something that’s outside of your comfort zone, you have to get the job done no excuses. Kobe could’ve been the best point guard or small forward if he wanted to he was just that good. You always heard stories of him warming up for hours before the game and he would still go out and play 46 minutes. His work ethic made me realize that if I wanted to be even be good I had to outwork my competition. You can get by on natural ability but after high school the reality is everyone is big,strong, and fast. I would run sprints in 90 degree heat wearing a hoody on because I wanted to be fresh in the 4th quarter like Kobe was. I can never remember seeing Kobe tired in a game which is crazy when you think about how much running and jumping they do on a basketball court. My motto was if Kobe is still outworking his competition than I should be out there doing the same. Money and accolades didn’t motivate Kobe it was his love for winning and his love for the game that pushed him to an all-time great level. You don’t play hurt unless you really love the game. In an era where guys sit out for some of the softest injuries, Kobe seemingly played hurt all the time but never mentioned it. The man came back into the game to make two free throws on a torn achilles, that type of mental toughness is what separated Kobe. Last season I tore my pectoral in our last regular season game that was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced in my life but I decided to keep playing because of guys like Kobe. I could’ve sat out but the mindset is win or die unless my arm fell off I was going to finish the season. I’ve played with some bad injuries but my mindset was if an all-time great can play through the pain then why can’t you. The mamba mentality is to give everything you have even if it means playing when you’re not 100%. He instilled that in all of us, he was one of the most inspirational athletes of this generation. It’s up to us to educate the younger athletes on who Kobe was and what he meant to the game of basketball. If energy never dies then Kobe is still with us, I can hear his voice whenever I’m tired during a workout and it forces me to keep going. I’m dedicating my next season to him which means I can’t come back to the states without a Championship.

CTE and Football

When my parents signed me up for football I was 8 and I knew then that I loved the game. To the casual fan football is just a bunch of big men running into each other over and over. But the game is like work of art when it’s played correctly. Football is 60% mental and 40% physical meaning the most athletic guys aren’t always the best players. There are the aspects of football that make it a dangerous and life-altering sport. I thought I knew as a kid what I had signed up for. Back then we didn’t know what a concussion was we just called it “seeing stars”. I often saw stars when I would lead with my head on a big hit. I didn’t know those were concussions back then. The consistent headaches after practice were just normal to us; it didn’t feel like a big deal besides everyone else was going through it. Every player has a limit on how many hits our bodies can take. Either your body quits on you or you mentally check out. I wish I could put into words the way my body feels after a game. I’ve heard that each football collision is the equivalent of being in a car accident, I would agree with that. Imagine being in 40 car accidents in a 2 hr period our bodies aren’t meant for that kind of punishment. It may seem as if Im bashing the game that I love but on the contrary I just want to shed light on a dark topic. Brain damage caused by football is becoming more and more obvious. After guys retire, they all speak about how much they’ve changed mentally. Junior Seau took his own life because of the brain damage he suffered during his playing career. CTE or chronic traumatic encephalopathy is a degenerative disease found in the brain of people with a history of brain trauma. Outside of boxing, football causes the most concussions in major sports. No matter how many rule changes are made FOOTBALL WILL NEVER BE SAFE. I believe they have made the game much safer over the years but when you have big collisions injuries are inevitable.

Mentally I’m not the same person that I was in the past. Life happens but I know that football has taken a toll on my brain. Sometimes I’ll run upstairs and forget why I even went there in the first place. I’ve played through concussions and I’ve seen that “white flash” that athletes talk about. When I see older players dealing with dementia and other brain related diseases I can’t help but to see a future me. I’ve played football since I was 8 and Im 31 now so that’s 23 years of collisions. Even with the new information about CTE I wouldn’t change my decision to play. Football kept me away from the street and anything else that wasn’t good for me. Without football I wouldn’t have been able to see the world so easy. But going forward we need to educate our sons about the good and the bad of this game. Some football players aren’t with us because they couldn’t deal with the mental day to day struggles. I feel their pain and we are all connected in a way. The game has gotten safer and safer. But you can only imagine what they went through in the leather helmet era;concussions had to be crazy back then.Knowing what I know I’m still deciding to continue playing, I mean you can’t help what you love. I just wonder the long-term effects and what’s my future when I’m older.

Removing The Mask

Being a black man and a football player you learn at a young age not to show pain or any form of weakness. My pops used to say “Never let em see you hurt” and I carried that mindset throughout a good portion of adult life. Mental health is something that athletes sweep under the rug because we think it makes us look soft. Imagine being respected for your strength and aggression but having to admit you need help mentally. Back in 2014 I had my wake-up call and it was from a person I least expected. I spent the night at a woman’s house and out of nowhere I just became really angry. She didn’t do anything wrong and in that moment I blacked out. I screamed at her at 4 am about how I really wanted to be with another woman, I even threatened to leave in the middle of the night. Prior to that incident I had been losing control of my emotions I would be happy and smiling then aggressive and melancholy. This affected my personal life mainly but carried over into my work life. People would loosely suggest therapy but I thought that was for “crazy people”; not knowing how ignorant I was at the time. Verizon offered a free employee help line that you could call and speak with licensed therapists, it intrigued me but I wasn’t sold on it. Finally I decided to give them a call and it was like they could read my mind. The mood swings, random acts of violence, and the depression all made sense. She said that it seemed like I was suffering from borderline personality disorder but I should follow up locally with a professional to confirm. I used to think that I was crazy because I couldn’t control my thoughts, honestly I couldn’t even control my own happiness. There were days that I would go into work smiling and as soon as I clocked in a sense of frustration would kick in.

I decided to see a therapist regularly and I can confidently say it was one of the best decisions I’ve made. My therapist told me things about myself that I hadn’t even thought of. I was carrying so much trauma from my past that I internalized which usually would come out in a negative way. She diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder and depression. It scared me because I impacted so many lives in a negative way because I didn’t get the help I needed sooner. I would date women temporarily and at random just give up on them. These were women that I knew that cared for me deeply but I was too selfish to care about that. My attitude was all about me and I how I felt, not once being empathetic to the pain that my actions caused. Throughout the years I’ve made a point to apologize to those women for the way I treated them. Surprisingly each women accepted my apology and they admitted to seeing a positive change in the man I was becoming. Life has taught me that accountability is directly linked to growth. Therapy saved my life because my instability would’ve caused me to make a life-changing mistake. I would encourage everyone to try therapy out even if everything seems to be okay. Past trauma isn’t always easily visible and it takes the right kind of help to heal from it. Reliving past trauma is hurtful but once you acknowledge it then it becomes easier to fix.

If I told you I was fully healed mentally I would be lying. This is an ongoing fight that I have to manage daily. I still have my days that I want to be alone in seclusion from everyone but now I fight through them. It also helps having a woman by your side that understands and nurtures you. Instead of letting me be in a depressive state she talks me through it and I notice my mood brightens when we have those talks. I’ve considered medication but I don’t want it to stifle my personality or deal with the side effects. Fellas it’s okay to get help with your mental health the most important muscle we have is our brains. If we can spend 5 days a weeks improving our physical fitness why not devote some time to our mental fitness. Therapy helped me in every aspect of my life it even helped me on the field. Im more mindful of how I motivate the guys, I even try to get an understanding of what their life is like off the field. Change won’t come easy but the reward can last a lifetime. I titled this blog removing the mask because I want to remove the stigma of mental health shaming amongst men.

My Intro Blog

For some people me writing may come as a surprise but I’ve been writing since the summer of 2016. It started as a form of therapy but now I write to share my life experiences with others to help them. Writing has given me a positive outlet to help cope with my mental issues. Outside of football, writing has been the best thing to happen to me in my adult life. I ultimately plan on publishing a biography to inspire people to help overcome whatever they’re going through. But for now I plan on using this as a vehicle to touch as many people as I can.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

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